Saturday, September 19, 2009

All or Nothing? I choose ALL...

So yesterday afternoon, I got the call that I have been waiting for. We've know what the majority of my treatment plan was going to be for some time. I was always getting 6 rounds of Taxotere and Carboplatin. They're common breast cancer chemos often used in combination. I affectionately call them the Barf/Bald combo...They bring my recurrence risk down to 15%. We were also going to add a full year of Herceptin every 3 weeks since I happen to have the scary HER2+ super-aggressive type of cancer. That wonderful drug brings me down to 5-7% recurrence. It has heart risks, but they are NOT common and as I have now found out occur most commonly when in combination with a different chemo regimen than mine. So, I'm not going to worry about that. It's all in God's hands anyway. So why worry? Matt 6:27 tells us, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" That'd be none of us! Yet in our broken humanity we spend an awful lot of time doing it. I should probably have that one tattooed on my hand so I'd always see it. I'm certainly guilty of worrying. (Just figurative speech, Mom/ need for a "tattoo intervention".)

I also mentioned many posts ago that I had signed up for a clinical trial for an additional drug called Avastin. This drug has been very successful for stage 3 and 4 cancers, but hasn't been tested on those of us that have stages 1 or 2. The idea is that it might make recurrence even less likely. Knowing my all or nothing personality, how could I not sign up? So, I did and decided that it was up to God to either give it to me, or not. If it can help me or some other woman down the line, then I am ready to give it a go. If not, and someone else needs it more, I asked that He give it to them.

So My clinical trial nurse who's taking care of me at the oncologist office called to say that my info was randomized yesterday and I'm getting the drug! So, we're 6 days away from getting things going with all 4 drugs at once. I can't help but be thrilled about that. That's great! There's nothing else in the arsenal that I'm not throwing at this thing. All or nothing? I choose ALL, every time. So, now I'm pumped up for the fight. Hurry up and wait is over in a few days and between now and then, I'm so busy that I can't even think about it.

Sick or no sick, bald, whatever. Now we're making progress. This is the beginning of getting this all behind me. A year from now, treatment will be over. I can have my last surgery, and will be new and improved from where I started. I don't just mean that physically either. I can't wait to see where God's going to take me through this in my dependence on Him. I've already changed in a couple short months. How much more will I learn about surrender over the next 12-13? I've spent a couple years praying dangerous prayers like, "Use me any way you wish...". I don't know how this figures in exactly, but I'm sure it does. So, I can't wait to see where it takes me. I have a suspicion, it just might be better that I could have imagined. And for that, I am already so thankful.


kitykity said...

Jane said this morning, a lot of people would be angry at God for what they were going through; but I told her, I've never felt that way about Him. I know there's a plan... there's greatness out there for us... but it's on His time, not ours. In my little Earthling way, I wish that was tomorrow... today... but we all just have to let time pass. And it will...

Ann Robertson said...

Hi Yvette,
I got your e-mail. I'll write to you again, still wondering where the message I wrote before went. I'll cut and paste this into an e-mail in case it gets lost AGAIN. My name is "Ann" to you, and "Mimi" to my granddaugter.
I am so proud of you for writing this blog, I hope you are making hard copies of it, or putting it on a CD so that you will ALWAYS have it. It is a treasure and will encourage so many people. You might add a few photos in the process. (That advice from a Creative Memories Consultant)
You have a phenomenal gift for expressing yourself with the written word. Always keep writing. Your strong faith is so apparent and a wonderful witness for our Lord. How do people go through this without HIM?
I so enjoyed visiting with your sis and your folks while you were having surgery. Hopefully it took their minds off of what was happening as we visited.
Maybe I'll see you at the Race for the Cure. I'll be the one with the pink hat and shirt on. I hope your Mom is going to go with you. She shouldn't miss it. Grandpa can baby sit.
I'll keep the prayers coming.
Ann Robertson


©2009 80% Sporadic | by TNB